3 Kinds of Assholes

There are 3 kinds of assholes in the world. I, Asher, happen to be all 3 of them.

The word “asshole” is phrase we use of men. We do. The equivalent word for a woman is bitch. This is the prevalent usage. So what is meat of the word asshole, and why is it applied generally to men?

The first kind: The first kind of asshole is a man who doesn’t go along with the basic conventions in the culture. I’m not referring to being a member of some acceptable counter-culture, some approved dissident movement, or practicing some likable personal idiosyncrasies. I mean someone who orders eggs and toast and when the waitress says “No meat?” responds, “Eggs are meat.” Someone who, when returning an item and is tolds “It’s our policy.” responds “Except, I don’t work for you.” An asshole is a man who doesn’t, at the most basic levels of interaction in society, go along.

The second kind: The second kind of asshole is a man who consistently treats falsehoods as what they really are. When you tell or commit a social pretense, he responds to what is really happening or what is really being said, rather than treats the pretense as true. For instance, if you say “We might look into that.” he may respond, “No need. I don’t mind that it doesn’t interest you.” If you say, “I like that person, but I just find some of the things inexplicable.” he may respond, “Well, you can’t like everyone.” Obviously, it depends on the situation, and this man is picking up on the non-explicit cues, like posture, gesture, facial expressions, tone of voice, and so on. Where it really comes to a head is when there’s much more intense pressure to accept the social pretense – high pressure situations, such as when someone popular is making an excuse, or when another man is doing something unethical, and no one wants to confront him. Saying what really is, at such moments, rather than what you’re supposed to say, rather than affecting belief in the pretensions, is the behavior of an “asshole”.

The third kind: The third kind of asshole is a man who consistently – in practice, not just in rhetoric – holds women (remember asshole is a gender-based term) – holds women to the same standards as men. There’s always the pony-tail wearing soft male who claims to do so, but then he spends a lot of time being “nice” to women, and he counts as “mean” (asshole) a man who doesn’t give special treatment. Often the distinctions are subtle. On the whole, men are gentler when arguing with women, they often let personal attacks or despicable behavior pass that would not be tolerable from a man – they make allowances, exceptions. An asshole does not do so – if a woman has been illogical and he’d say it to a man, he says it to the woman. If a woman has shown cowardice or dishonesty, and he would point it out to a man, he points it out to a woman. There’s always some guy present who says, “that guy’s an asshole.” Indeed, proudly so – except that guy is not a guy, he’s a man. Observe and learn – you will see very few of these in your lifetime.