Cowardice

Have you ever had an argument and your opponent brings up your wife? “I wonder what you’re wife would say about that.” “I feel sorry for you wife for having to deal with you.” etc.

Only the lowest, basest coward would try to find a wedge between a man and his family in the course of an argument. Only a coward would, unable to strike effectively at the man, use his family as a weapon.

Often it’s a woman saying such things. Besides the assumption that all women are the same, and all marriages are the same (there’s a female attitude, don’t you know – oh, and a black attitude, and a gay attitude, and so on), it’s an attempt to use gender to shame the man – to use gender as a weapon. It’s the equivalent of patting her on the head, and saying that you don’t expect her to understand – which is an excellent response in these cases. Besides turnabout being fair play, it’s useful to illustrate the offense.

I know that culture often gives the woman a pass for this. I don’t. A coward is a coward.

Very close is the phenomenon wherein any time a man says he’s planning to do something unusual with his life, or that violates the perceived norm – the man-track – like, “I’m going to take a month off and write.” or “I’m going to go hike for a couple of weeks – no, she’s working” – you get the presumptuous response: “What does your wife think about that?”

As though we answer to our wives. As though we have to seek permission. As though a wife is a form of parent. As though marriages are all the same. Most people don’t understand the things they’re presuming when they talk like this. I always just respond, “Why do you ask?” for which they never have an answer. Because they know better, and they know what they’re doing. Or I’ll say, “Oh, why don’t you ask her?” That usually silences them because, again, they know they have no business there.

This culture is a culture of cowards, of subjects, of conventional people in bondage to what they’ve learned from TV, and expect you to serve their conventions too. One can’t cater to them.